Now, at 9pm, I am in a hotel in Columbus, Ohio. I was there for every step, every minute of the travels, sure, but isn't it amazing? I am amazed. Six hundred forty one miles.
I was up in the sky, for god's sake. The air is so so heavy and strong. Waves and currents. When I'm down on the ground, looking at it, I just don't think of it that way. Smooth blue and puffy clouds, it's so innocent.
This morning Andre and I were talking about Baba and he wants to go and see him. This kind of talk can freak me. Somehow we got into wondering if we would know him if we did see him. Would he look the same? I know the thought of that scared Andre, even terrified him a little. And angered him. "It's not fair," he said, and he stomped a little.
"I know," I said, "believe me, I feel the same." It's true but I just continued putting the plates away from the dishwasher, while they were still steamy hot. I had to hold them on the edges.
"I like to think maybe he'd look like a tree, or an animal," I said. Maybe he does look like that now. Or maybe he's a star. But he's not scary or anything." Because I can scare myself into thinking there is something to be scared of, in my Dad's changing.
"Okay," Andre said. "That's good."
And, of course, I told Andre, because it is true, that I saw my Dad right then, and Andre asked how, and I told him, "In you, pal." And he smiled and showed me the gap in his smile and we hugged hard, his arms around my middle, mine around his head, and I can't say who was prouder.