How is it that Christina is writing me �Hey lets have some fun together sagebrush� on the same day that Bobby writes �Hey there buddy bastard�? What were we drinking at the Old Court the other night and how did Christina know to call me �Sagebrush?� I must have spilled the beans on the unfortunate incident in the desert outside Albuquerque. Hey that�s tequila-talking for you.
�Buddy Bastard.� That Bobby cracks me up. The bitch.
Even though it�s clear Gus still doesn�t really know my name at least he is thoughtful enough to ask, �How was your last night agnes?� What�s strange is that he was there at Old Court. I mean he was one of the group prodding me, daring me, giving me twenty-five bucks, to stand up and sing my rendition of �She�s Come Undone� by the Guess Who. It�s too bad it interfered with Irish Seisun night but when inspired, you just gotta go with it.
I obviously made an impression on Bradley. He just wrote me, �sang bellflower.� I think he means �Sing Bellflower.� His verb tense problem is showing, but so is my crush. I guess that Campanulaceae�s out of the bag.
Gossip is flying everywhere. Dianne�s enigmatic �It suddenly occurs to� left me asking: Who? Where? Why? What did I miss? Then, I hear from Irma, �Hello Shelley luvs Jeff.� Hello, Shelley despises Jeff. This turnabout happened after the third round when Erma McDaniels, Jeff�s ex, showed up. Erma sent out a breezy �Hello again.� Hello again, indeed. For the rest of us, Jeff and Erma spell stormy spats and drink-throws.
I love my crowd but it was nice to meet some new folks. I remember a Hilda and a Myrtle. Hilda I. Butts, an unfortunate name to some, but she was apparently proud of it, handing out business cards with her company name �HildaKixButts.� .
Myrtle has an encyclopedic, or at least a googledic, knowledge of prescription drugs. She knows the usual dosage of Ansaid, all the colors of every pill, and the new soft tab Tadalafill. It seemed she was intently listening to me but she just wrote me �It is safe for you to continue taking Norcet.� Bless her heart, I take Cernot, not Norcet. Mistakes happen! She seemed to be mixing her pill obsession with her software obsession. Around midnight, I heard her muttering, �Xannax, Macromedia, Corel, Viagra, Sony Vaio, Fiorcet� more than once.
It�s not for me to say whether or not Jose, Billie, Felix and Samson should or should not be emailing me about their penis size. I don�t know; they�re just reaching out for help, I guess.
I�ve got my own problems. I don�t appreciate reading what Emma has to say: �The thunder thighs have to go.� At least Ed has the kindness to write, �Make your life better today� even though his quick fix doesn�t seem possible. Chadwick Witherspoon is hitting the nail on the head with his urging: �Are you looking for your perfect match? Here it is!�
The �it� throws me off. But I�ve got to just trust, take a chance. Maybe it�s as simple as the email �Hello, it�s me.� I just wasn�t expecting his name to be Simple DebtRelief.